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Posts tagged ‘weirdo’

Eat People, Get Down, Stay Grounded

New York City is the most amazing place on the planet (not including Willy Wonka’s or Sesame Street, but I’m not even going to get into the magnitude of that when I was a child). Anyway…

This picture right here is the epitome of why I love my city! In most places the celebrities, they may be a little weird. Out here, New York City, the weird are the celebrities. If you’re having a hard time deciphering the picture, no, you’re not looking at a dropped bag of party accessories. That is a human. Yes, it’s a male. And yes, again, he’s chilling in the middle (okay, maybe not the middle middle, like middle) but shit, he’s laying down in the street like it’s his couch. If that isn’t thug life then I don’t know what the fuck is!

I was walking up (wait), no sorry I was walking downtown one night with my headphones in, blasting music, and dodging/scaring tourists. I almost tripped over this dude as I was dancing blindly in the streets. I walked by, and about 10 feet later, my brain kicked me in the forehead and told me to turn around. I did, and it dawned on me…

This is a cool motherfucker!!

I’ve seen this guy before. He’s usually not hanging out this far up. He’s a 14th street baby. His bike is wicked awesome too!! I wonder if anyone has ever tried to rob him for it. They have probably tried. He probably killed them and ate them for dinner. Maybe that’s why he’s laying down in Times Square? That’s a pretty big meal. It’s kind of like…

I don’t know that kids name, but damn he tastes good with hot sauce!

Then, just like with Chinese food, the itis kicks in… NOW! And then there you are, downed from eating people.

But then we wonder, what does he do when he’s not eating people (most likely tourists, since New Yorkers probably taste like crap)? Well, you got to get down to get up right? So lets do the equation.

Up + edible people = down.

Down is now had. You have down. You are down.

Down = only one way to go = up.

Therefore you got to get down to get up. Duhr.

So what do you do once you’re up aka not down? You do the only logical thing! You stand on a garbage can in 70 degree weather in order to spot your next meal. There he is!

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