Okay, so right now I am quite honestly struggling to contain myself. I hope you all read my last post. If not, scroll down and go over it. Pay close attention to this part:
But large black women and I just don’t get along! It doesn’t work! I need a new shirt. First person to find me an “I hate when large black women sit next to me and squish my skinny ass on the bus” shirt will get a spotlight session, and probably some money!
Today, I spoke to a friend I met via Twitter (the reason I love twitter, you meet so many dope muthafuckin people!!), Jazzmin, and she read my last blog post and decided that it was funny enough to actually have the shirt! I took this message with a grain of salt when she said she was going to make it. I have people say things like that all the time, but it’s the idea that’s funny. Most people don’t actually follow through with it.
Now I must say, I can never ever ever ever ever take her words to be jokes or figurative language. I can’t!! It would be a completely stupid move. I can’t even joke threat, because if she laughs and says “I’ll kill you with a pickle to the eye”, you better believe I’m moving to fucking Africa to go hide amongst the zebras or something because when she says shit, she does that shit! I won’t lie, it makes me slightly afraid.
But like I said, I took it lightly. Then I got this.
When I read that my brain went into a fucking frenzy of idiocy. I even spilled some of my soup onto my pants. This was the moment! She sent over the picture. I wasn’t sure what to expect! Was I ready for this moment? What should I wear? I promised myself I wouldn’t cry!! Then it hit me.
Needless to say I was kind of like =O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I fuckin love this shit! It’s amazing and I want to now wear it every single day and shit next to large black women on purpose and make people read the shirt. This, large black women, is retaliation for all the times you have belittled me, quite literally, with your size. I may be skinny, but I know people who make shirts that explain my anguish!! So if you’re large and black, and a woman, especially if I recognize you from a time you smashed me against a window with your fucking arms that are bigger than my legs put together, be ready for some fire via t-shirt!
Few things people randomly do have taken me by storm like this has. I can hardly contain myself over here. She’s working on getting it printed up for me on a suitable tee (since I’m slim and only wear slim tee’s). As I promised, I would give the person a Spotlight Session and money. I can and will definitely cook up an awesome Spotlight Session for her, but when I offered to pay, cool money kicked in:
Now if that isn’t what you call cool peeps, then I don’t know what the fuck is. Thanks again Jazz for the awesome fuckin shirt!! I can’t wait until I have it in my possession! I’ll be one psycho ninja on the streets, with a new shirt to add to the collection! She is killer for this one, so be sure to check her out on twitter @ThisIsJazzie and stay tuned for her Spotlight Session, as it should be coming some time soon. Stay tuned, kids!