No, I am not Sean Paul. I am, however, learning to focus on the light at the end of the dark tunnel. Today was another up and down day. The roller coaster continues, but this time there was much more up than down. I took a gamble today. In fact, I took about six.
I have so much going on and for some reason all of these things manage to overwhelm me, the person who is usually never overwhelmed. So much has changed. I lost my edge. I lost my business junkie side. I want it back. I used to be the one who was only content with 10 things to do or else I would be bored. I need that back.
Anyway, about the gamble. I played a scratch off today and won $1 from it. I did this about 3 times, then won $5 from one. I was so excited I almost grabbed someones baby and kissed it like I was running for el presidente. I am not running for president, but you should still vote for me [duh!]. I took the last of the winnings, and decided to go big. Two tickets. One for NY Lottery, the other for Mega Millions. My luck seemed to be good today, so I figured I might as well ride it out.
I also began working out again today. Lifting weights, doing push-ups, and shadow boxing really made me see, or rather feel how much damage I did to my body with the bad eating habits, the occasional smoking [I’m so done!] and the heavy drinking. It feels good to be working my way back to some realm of ninja normalcy. I mean, this is me. I’m one of the rootinest, tootinest, ass-kicking motherfuckas around! What was I doing? I need my body back in the shape it used to be. When I felt sexy and not like the worlds skinniest fat man.
I’m learning to ride the wave. I’m learning to let time do it’s thing. I’m slowly learning to let go. All help me squint a little bit harder. Harder. Squinty squinty, until I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just give it to me already! Okay, so maybe I’m still impatient! But fuck you, patience! Amen.